17 days of the transfer window left. Tick tock, Arsenal. Tick. Bloody. Tock.

Here’s some guff from the papers*…

[*not everything is from the papers]

Reiss Nelson

Palace are still sniffing around Reiss who made a surprise appearance in Friday’s opening game of the season. Most of the stories suggest Patrick Vieira wants the player on loan and Arsenal will offer the 21-year-old a new contract before he sets off for the year.

Alex Lacazette & Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Absent from Friday’s defeat to Brentford, the duo, who’ve featured throughout pre-season, are now the subject of some pretty outragious rumours. The most ridiculous comes from Catalan publication Sport who suggest both strikers are on Barcelona’s radar. This is the same club who are so broke they can’t even register guys they’ve already signed! As they haven’t got any money, they’re offering us players in exchange; Coutinho’s name has been mentioned. It’s so ridiculous that I’m dying inside just writing this.

Martin Odegaard

All the signs are that negotiations between Arsenal and Real Madrid are progressing and the Norwegian midfielder could rejoin this week. The only thing up for debate is whether the Gunners pay now or loan the 22-year-old for the year with a first right to buy next summer. It definitely feels like the latter would be more preferable.

Lautaro Martinez

“Go big or go home” seems to be Tuttosport’s attitude. They still think that Arsenal could sign Lautaro Martinez from Inter Milan but first Arsenal will sack Mikel Arteta and install his former Inter boss Antonio Conte. While I’m sure that scenario probably excites a lot of you, let’s be honest, the chances of it playing out inside two weeks are fanciful. You’d be better off placing a fiver on Arteta being voted the Premier League’s Manager of the Month.

Lucas Torreira

We’re just sticking his name in here in case any European clubs are reading. He’s available lads, please contact Mr. Edu Gaspar with your offers. You’ll have to prise him away from Alton Towers but he still plays football, promise.

Probably not really worthy of the poo-o-meter given it’s not a rumour.

Joe Willock

He’s still listed as an Arsenal player on the club’s website, so perhaps we bought him back from Newcastle already? Probably for £30 million. FFS.

Update – he’s been de-listed. Boo.

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